I've always had an unhealthy relationship with working and money.
Likely due to my upbringing, and the struggles we went through. And when I say an unhealthy relationship, I mean, working 70+ hours minimum every week, working multiple jobs at all times because I'm scared I might loose one at any given moment. I become the "yes" person every boss wants, because I know the importance of becoming indispensable. And, before I had my daughter it was "ok" to do this. I had the time, I didn't have many other responsibilities, and it never hurt to make extra money.
However- lately, my thoughts on abundance have drastically changed and I'm struggling to accept what my heart now needs. You see, it never occurred to me that one day I would struggle with not wanting to work. But, here we are. I have the most incredible daughter (who is almost a year old now), a husband who always supports whatever I do, and two fur babies who desperately need more attention, and all I want to do is be with the four of them every day.
All I want is the ability to run my life and not allow a job, or a boss to run it for me. But I feel so out of touch with who I am, that I'm not able to figure out what path I need to take in order to do this. I can't tell what's holding me back, I can't tell what would make my soul feel fulfilled. I don't know how to provide for my family while making my soul happy. What I can tell you, is what I'm doing right now isn't it. I currently work for my brother-in-law and his dad, and as grateful as I am for the job and the food it puts on our table, I'm equally disappointed with the way I'm taken advantage of on a daily basis.
Here's to the winter where I commit to figuring my shit out.
until next time,
xoxo
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