song of choice: "Burn" by Bryan Elijah Smith
what a funny thing life is. one minute you're so sure of where you're headed, what you're doing, who you're going to be...and the next, your crying at your desk at 11am on a Tuesday asking yourself what the fuck you got yourself into.
I know I've referenced it before, but I have a serious addiction to work. I wake up early to take part in it, a stay up late making lists filled with todo items for the next day, I skip meals to get more done, I neglect my family and myself- always putting it first. I think, well really I know that growing up in a house where one of my parents had to job hop from job to job instilled a deep deep fear in me that at any point an employee is disposable.
1 month ago I decided to take on a 2nd full time job. and to be fair, both of my bosses are great people who are loyal and go above and beyond when it comes to taking care of my family. but there are moments, daily where I read into a tone. or I get frustrated because they've magically changed their mind on something that took a lot of hard work. but, 1 month ago I told myself it was going to be a breeze, that if anyone could do it, it was me. And, I'm here to say that I am managing, and I know I can do it, but damn do I need to set some boundaries.
Today was a good day in the grand scheme of things, I paused this morning to love on my daughter. I took a full hour lunch and laid in the sun with my family. I finished up by 5:30 and we went to get ice-cream. which, by the way Luna is a BIG, big fan. (smart girl).
I'm trying to remind myself that I am a great employee, and that I don't need to let myself be consumed by work. I'm grateful that just looking at my daughter makes me pause and reflect. her walking into the office to tell me (she's still baby talking) about all of her dreams from the night before. her walking past the office and shooting me a smirk, her constant curiosity of everything, ESPECIALLY the keyboards, lol. Being a mom is a lot of things, it can be hard, and exhausting, and tedious but it's also the most beautiful and amazing thing I've ever been fortunate enough to experience. even as I sit here typing this up, the living room is scattered with the mess of her adventures today, and I can't help but smile. she truly makes life so much better.
so, here's to being a better mom and wife than I am employee. or here's to trying anyways.
until next time.
xoxo
Comments