it's been a few months since i last checked in. and what a whirlwind of change it's been.
for most of my life i've felt like a shadow of myself. hiding behind different faces, for different people. pretending to be something or someone that i'm not. and, over the past few years, i've found that the more i am true to myself. the more i value my own opinion of myself over others, the more peaceful my life has become.
Recently, It's been impossible to be anyone but myself. so much so, that i've come to the conclusion that money isn't always worth it. and if you know me at all, you know i have a LOT of trauma around money. but lately, i've been seeking more peace, more of being surrounded by people who's values match my own. i think that the most bizarre realization has been that the more i seek those relationships out, the more i make an effort to show up as myself with friends, the more magical those relationships become.
my husband and i have been together since highschool, and we regularly reflect on how magical our lives have been. not to say that there haven't been incredibly dark, hard, and testing times. believe me, there have been.. and in all aspects of life. but, we work through it day by day and then we realize just how fortunate we are. work always seems to fall into my lap, opportunities always seem arise when we need them the most. and sometimes, i get scared to explore a new possibility. i get nervous for the wellbeing of my family. unsure of myself and how it will turn out, but i've finally realized that my family will be so much better off, if i too take care of myself.
for a lot of my life, i've allowed toxic relationships due to circumstance. whether it's family dynamics, work environments, friendships that aren't authentic. you name it, i've done it. but, this past month has been monumental for me. i've respectfully set hard boundaries with people that I love. I've decided to introduce a new type of work into my life that allows me to be a good person and not be left questioning my values each day. i've decided to stop stressing so hard about the future that no one knows anything about, and to be focused on each day as they come. filling them with kindness, happiness, and a little bit of sass where it's needed. ok- a whole lot of sass where it's needed, lol.
life is about so much more than the money we make, the cars we drive, the vacations we go on. it's about those shiny drops of pure happiness that appear every time we look at our daughter, our family, and our home. it's about treating people kindly because that's the best thing that you can do. it's about creating a community of family who will be by your side on this journey of life cheering you on. it's about the sunrises and sunsets that you get to witness, it's about taking care of yourself and consciously enjoying as many moments as you possibly can.
although this is a new chapter for me, and although this time of year is usually quite dark for me. i have a feeling it's going to be the best dark season yet.
until next time.
xoxo,
me
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